JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
