i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
