I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
