i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
