I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize