Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
