I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
