its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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