Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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