we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
