you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
