That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
