Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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