I have demons in me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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