what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
