at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
