I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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