i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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