Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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