Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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