I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
His nipple licking is glorious
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