My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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