Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
