As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
