Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
