Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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