there was a trapeze. enough said
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
