see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize