She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
