I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
