You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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