Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I touched a dick in church today
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
