my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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