i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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