The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
