Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
