But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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