I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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