i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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