and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
two words...techno handjob
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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