another moral hangover. fuck.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
