i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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