I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Porn is love you can see.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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