If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize