My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
