it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
