i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
