Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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