I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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