why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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