there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize