everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize