Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize