hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
