Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize