I must be too annoying 4 u.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
