At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
