Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
