How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
