How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
