You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
