Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
