And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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