Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
