i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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