I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
