its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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