he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
