3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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