so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
