True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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